Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Emergency Life-Saving Surgery...
This time last week I was just going into the operating room for my first surgery ever. After over a month of severe stomach pain, multiple urgent care visits that couldn't explain it and not being able to eat much or move, I finally landed in urgent care again for the 3rd time on March 17th. This time the doctor found a mass in my abdomen and said he wanted to send me to the hospital to have a surgeon check it out.
I went the two blocks across the street by ambulance and then knew this was something more than the food allergies, or IBS I thought it might be. Sure enough, the mass had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. Within minutes they prepped me for surgery and I spent the next week recovering in the hospital, hopped up on pain meds and slowly starting to move again.
As I writer, I process through words, stories and creative images. This is that space. My surgeon told me we would be building a team of health support and my job for the next six weeks is simply to breathe, eat, and recover. As I've gained a clearer picture of the events of last Monday - surgery to remove a grapefruit sized mass bleeding in my abdomen, my appendix (just in case) and getting a blood transfusion, I was given a brilliant ah-ha moment:
One of the specialist doctors came to meet me last Thursday morning and it finally hit when he said, "This surgery saved your life."
The realization that I just got another chance, a wake-up call of sorts and a forced six week break to recover while we wait on answers and create a plan to move forward, I want to be highly present to life, to it's sacredness and to the incredible gift I have been given to assess what needs to change.
The next six weeks of time off work to recover feels long, drawn out, but at the same time, a wild gift. I'm alive and I have the opportunity to be present in the face of fear, transition and potential transformation as we wait for test results and next steps. In the days moving forward, I have much to be thankful for, and much to contemplate - what do I need to bring to the world still? What am I holding back on? What needs releasing? And what needs celebrating?
This is my space to write, to love and to be while figuring out how to be present and move forward. More to come.
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I can't believe how clear/aware/articulate you are right now. I am also in the life saving emergency surgery club (unfortunately) and checking fb or watching TV is all I felt like I could do, with the pain meds/tiredness/headaches. I do remember definitely feeling like I wanted to reevaluate my life, but couldn't muster up the brain power. Wishing you a swiftly improving recovery!
ReplyDeleteIt is sad that it truly does take a life or death moment for someone to realize that their life hasn't followed the path that they had hoped for. Mine was September 11, 2003 when I was ambushed in Iraq. I came home and knew that I could never waste another moment being unhappy or sad or having any regrets whatsoever in the world. It takes time to make that switch in your body because it's easy to fall back into old ways but you always come back to that one moment and it nudges you to keep living a better life and put your happiness and fulfillment ahead of all else. I left behind my country to follow my husband because he completes me. And I'm happy, pure and simple. It's so easy to get tied up in "things" back home, things and things and things until your poor little mind and body are cluttered. I'm so happy that you have reached that moment, lived through it, and can now go forth with a clear vision of what your future is going to contain for you.
ReplyDeleteNo regrets,
Krystal, José, Erika, and Mia