Things No One Expects during Cancer

Photo by Alisa Hayes Photography

Things No One Expects During Cancer:

1. Due to chemo, once you are through the nauseaous days, I'm RAVENOUS for carbs and protein! Things I crave lately include bagels and cream cheese, turkey sandwiches and meatloaf...weirdest cravings ever! I can't keep veggies down right now...I hate it!

2. Chemo makes you feel like you are PMSing constantly...one minute I'm weeping over a commercial, my hair, or laughing with a friend and then the green monster hits and I'm annoyed with the 5th sweet person (who genuinely cares) but asked me at the wrong moment, "how are you?" Chemo also makes your eyes water all the time, so the line between crying and watering eyes is hard to differentiate, but usually my eyes are just watering.

3. The list of things I wanted to accomplish in my life has become greatly targeted...it used to include things like Peace Corps, spend a month on a tropical island, write a book, do something great...now, those things would still be lovely, but what I really want more than anything is quality time with friends and family, to be true to myself through cancer and to love deeply.

4. Feelings of back the f-off when people do a double take at my scarfed head in public has become common....I've noticed people looking trying to figure out if there is hair under my hat/scarf or if I'm a bald woman...it's just cancer, people, sheesh!

5. I'm overtly aware of cancer...The Fault in Our Stars Comes and Chasing Life came out about life with cancer...I highly recommend Stars....beautiful, raw, real!!

6. The amount of stupid things people say/do has increased - strangers who touch my head, or the person who asked "how does dying feel?" to which I should have replied, "how does rude feel?" I am completely blown away by the number of rude/stupid things people feel are somehow okay to say/ask/or do.

7. The people who show up best are not who you expect. My great support has come from very unexpected people. They are my rocks.

8. I am in awe of how connected to my body I feel - if you know me well, I have long been an advocate of body image and self-love. Cancer has only magnified that. I am proud to wear my shaved head (because yes, I still have stubble on my head) and my 10 inch scar down my belly from surgery. I could have died on that table. I didn't. I'm totally in awe of the power of my body!

9. Chemo doesn't kill all your hair...I still have hair. Surprise!

10.  People feel compelled to tell you stories about their great aunt, or their grandmother who died from cancer, or their friend's dog had sarcoma and died. Thanks for the info. Those stories do not relate to me. Young adult cancer is completely different than your grandmother's cancer or a dog's cancer, but thanks for the info.

11.  Suddenly everyone has medical advice for me...thank you, if you are not MY doctor, you are not at liberty to tell me what I HAVE to do; you are welcome to give your opinion, but that doesn't mean I have to take it.

12. Just because I was diagnosed with cancer does not mean that my life is boring, uneventful, or tragic...it is just as magical (if not more so) than ever! Stop looking at me with you sad eyes and telling me "when you beat cancer everything will be fine," or "you just have to focus on getting well, you can have fun later." Cancer does not mean a person's life should be put on hold. These comments are not helpful - no one knows if I will beat cancer, or if I will die earlier than I would have liked. What IS helpful is to genuinely ask "how is your day?" or "what is the best part of today" because all of us need a lesson in being truly present to the moment and enjoying the here and now.

13. The generosity of others astounds me! I continue to be blown away by the number of people who donate time, money, gifts and love to my family. We are so blessed!