Yesterday I had sharp lower back and stomach pains that kept me up until 2am when I couldn't stand it any more and my mom took me to the ER. A Ct scan and labs later, we found out the worst: the cancer has grown substantially in the last two weeks. They are worried about internal bleeding. We have reached the point of few options in a short matter of months.
My doctors all filtered into the room for the conversation no wants to have....it's time for hospice and pain management.
I'm in a lot of pain - both physically and emotionally. I was still hoping for a miracle. I'm scared, overwhelmed, mad and sad. No 30-something should have to face end of life decisions. It's shocking. I don't have words. This feels so completely surreal.
Right now, we are waiting to hear back from my specialist at OHSU to see if we can still consider the trial. I'm numb.
Please keep praying for me, for my family. We are very hurt and sad. We need the love of the tribe more than ever.
Thank you for walking this crazy journey with us. We love you all. I'll keep posting here as much as I can.
Sending so much love to you and yours Sarah. I have had a candle lit for you today all the way down in New Zealand. Holding so much love for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Melissa!
DeleteRun out into nature, throw your computer in the water, are you ready to heal? Are you ready to live? There are so many people that want you here, but they don't matter, what matters is that you want to be here. You have the power to create the miracle, you have the power to heal, time to freak out. If you need someone to freak out with, I bet there are one hundred people who would be there to catch you...wanna have a ceremony?
ReplyDeleteLet's do it girl.
DeleteCeremony please! Lets discuss!!
DeleteOh Sarah, I am so incredibly sorry to hear this news :( My heart breaks for what you and your beautiful family are having to endure right now. Please know that you have been in my daily prayers since the begining and you will remain there my love! Lighting a candle for you, your family and the Doctors handling your care. Sending Bali love, sunshine and a little bit of her Island magic your way! Love you sweet girl.
ReplyDeleteThank you Emme!
DeleteAll of my love to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you Cassie!
DeleteThis just doesn't seem real Sarah. I'm heartbroken. I want you to fight with everything you have. I will fight with you. I am praying all the time. Love you so much.
ReplyDeleteSending more love.
ReplyDeleteThank you Cassondra!
DeleteSarah, I'm holding you in my heart and hoping for your miracle.
ReplyDeleteI am fighting for you. Please rest. I hate this news. I love you very much.
ReplyDeleteSweet Sarah, HOPE is big and it is strong and so are you, I know. I am strong, too, and I'm putting all my strength into your fight. Let's fight HARD, Sarah...we need you here. With loads of love and prayers...
ReplyDeleteLifting you up, cradling you, breathing peace and rest to you. Adding my loving thoughts to the multitude that are rapidly flowing your way.
ReplyDeleteI love what Laura said Sarah. Have you read Bri May Tawari, her book The Path of Practice: A Woman's Book of Ayurvedic Healing .... Diagnosed with ovarian cancer at twenty-three, Bri. Maya was given two months to live. Her doctors' advice: die painlessly with heavy dosages of morphine. Instead, in the middle of winter, she left her career as a popular fashion designer in New York City and began several months of intensive meditation and holistic nutrition alone in a remote Vermont cabin. By Spring, her health and vitality had been restored.
ReplyDeleteInspired by dramatic visions and dreams of her family and ancestors, Bri. Maya became a student of one of India's few living masters of the traditional Vedas. Today, healthy in body and spirit, she devotes herself to teaching the wisdom practices of the Vedas to help others heal emotional and spiritual discomfort, dis-ease, and physical illness.
In The Path of Practice, Bri. Maya's gentle, compassionate voice instructs you in living life consciously in the present moment, so that you can recover your natural rhythms and align yourself and your inner cycles with the universe. With particular emphasis on using the primordial feminine healing power of shakti--which everyone possesses--Bri. Maya leads you through the daily practice, or sadhana, of a three-part wellness program that includes nutrition and cooking with whole foods, breath work and meditation, and chanting with healing sounds. Encouraged by the inspirational stories of Bri. Maya's life and those of others who have made these simple but powerful practices an integral part of their lives, you will learn how to take charge of your own health. Through Bri. Maya's unique philosophy and practice of "cosmic memory," you will discover your personal, body wisdom and intuition, your singular mission in the world, and your connection to the divine within you and around you.
Filled with illuminating insights, easy-to-follow recipes, and meditations and exercises that can be adapted to different lifestyles and traditions, The Path of Practice is one of the only holistic programs designed for women by a woman. Imbued with the spiritual strength and centeredness of its remarkable author, here is a practical and profound book you will turn to time and time again.
You are loved. You ARE love, dear Sarah.
ReplyDeleteMuch much love and positive thoughts are coming your way Sarah
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your family with love. Joan Ercolini
ReplyDeleteSurrounding you and your family with love and light Sarah!
ReplyDeleteAdding more love & light to the mountain range of lovely thoughts, found here. Just for you Sarah.
ReplyDeleteI love you. I miss your big hugs and beautiful smile. Please stay strong and get better soon.
ReplyDeleteAnd Thank you for being a constant light of love to the world.
Love you so much.
Michael martinez
Sarah, Praying for you and your family. This is just crazy crap! I pray that your hope will increase and that OHSU will call with good news.
ReplyDeleteMy support and good feelings.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I have praying for you and your family the past months. I will continue and trust GOD because it just doesn't make sense this thing call cancer.
ReplyDeletesonia jager
My springtime Roo, my heart is breaking over this news. I have consistently prayed for you over the last several months and will continue to do so. I pray that you may have peace in the midst of the storm and that you will know God's abundant love for you. I wish I were there to have a cuppa with you and a long chat like our SPU days. Or maybe a cup of tomato basil soup and a loaf of bread from Metropolitan Market while we sit at Kerry Park and look out over the Sound. I love you and am praying for you, friend. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteDear Sarah, I am echoing all the heartbreak after reading this update on your blog .Lindsay sent it over to me. . I too have been praying for you as she has kept me in the info loop regarding your cancer struggles. My hope is that you will cling tighly to Jesus and His promise of life eternal~ without pain and filled with joy in His presence. Whatever happens- hold onto Him and know that He loves you. I do too. Laurie Nelson (Lindsay's mom)
ReplyDeleteMiss you. Love you. Your in my prayers. Don't hesitate to ask for anything.
ReplyDeletePeter and I have such heavy hearts hearing about what you and your sweet family are going through. We love you and are praying daily that Jesus brings you peace in the midst of this storm. May He comfort your soul and touch your body. We love you, friend!
ReplyDeleteI'm lost for words.... I'm so sorry your going through this. Stay strong!! You'll be in our prayers. Lots of Hugs. Love Stephanie
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ReplyDeleteTo one of the most poetic, raw, honest, beautiful women I've encountered on this earth ... rock on, Sarah. Today and tomorrow will bring what they will, but it is how you live this life and how you interact with humanity that matters. You have got it right, girl. I am using every fiber in my body to send you vibes of peace and calm for the times when you most need it. I'll be in Bend and Portland later this month and will stop by for a big huge Sarah McMurray hug if the stars align. So much love, Jessie Evans
ReplyDeleteLove to you sweet Sarah.
ReplyDeleteHey Sarah,
ReplyDeleteVisions of peacocks, visions of peacocks...
Love ya!
Jen
Beautiful Sarah, I am sending you so much love and holding you in my prayers! xo
ReplyDeleteHolding you deeply in my prayers Sarah. Sending so much love and light to you ❤️
ReplyDelete