Cancer Diagnosis

(Sarcoma's color is yellow...FYI)

I was officially diagnosed with undifferentiated sarcoma on Tuesday April 16th after the pathology from my surgery went through three different hospitals. Sarcoma is a rare cancer; only 1300-1500 cases in the U.S. each year, and there are nearly 100 different types. Mine is "undifferentiated," meaning they can't determine what the origin is yet. Normally sarcomas are seen in young children and the elderly, and the "young adult cancers" (hitting 19-40 year olds) are less discussed. The oncologist said I'm "special" and this is not the kind of special a girl dreams of being....

My oncologist explained as much as he could to my mom and me on Tuesday morning, but there is still much unknown. I go in for another CT scan today to see if they got all the cancer out, or if it is still growing post-surgery, or if it has spread. Next week we'll go to Portland to meet the Sarcoma specialist at OHSU. I'm hoping for more information, for options, for massive amounts of hope.

Getting a cancer diagnosis is scary anytime, but being just barely 31, knowing that cancer is a nasty beast, I'm determined to be nastier, to fight hard and be one bad-ass cancer warrior! I'm really thinking about documenting the journey...to give hope, insight and courage to other young adults fighting sarcoma because as I've been researching I've found very little from young adults battling this type of cancer. It feels very lonely so far. I'm thankful for my tribe, but there is still a deep longing to connect with other young adult sarcoma survivors.

It still feels so surreal to write that word: cancer. It feels like any minute I'll wake up from a bad dream, or my oncologist will walk in and say "you've been punked!" How can I feel so much better than I did before my emergency surgery (for a month prior to surgery I couldn't eat, it hurt to lay down, and it was horribly painful to walk or move) and have cancer? I feel so much better!

In this on-going waiting game, I continue to read - books on nutrition to beat cancer, websites and articles by survivors who combined alternative treatments with conventional methods, and I pin tips I want to remember for later. I'm trying to gain as much information as possible before we meet with the specialist next week so I can be informed in my decision making. Information is power, hope and inspiration.

 I've also decided to change the cancer vocabulary:

1. "The Big C" - nope, it's the little c, I'm not giving cancer that much power.
2. "Cancer victim" - I call bs, I'm a survivor already!
3. "Cancer is a death sentence" - cancer is a wake-up call.
4. "Cancer is so depressing" - I can choose how I respond to cancer.
5. "Cancer is scary" - and yet I won't let fear rule my life.

Cancer will drastically change my life, but it doesn't get the last word. I am empowered and inspired in there (even though there are terrifying moments).

What great books/articles/websites have you read about cancer?